Volume 5 – Year 24
In a shocking turn of events, the citizens of the Confederacy of Independent Systems (CIS) have started to fear that their own government is secretly replacing them with droids. Yes, your optical organs read that right. The Confederate Triumvirate, the very government that is supposed to protect its citizens, is allegedly turning them into walking, talking machines at the behest of Head of State Dex Sehrin and Magistrate Siejo Kutol.
The rumour mill started churning after a group of Gungan farmers on the planet Ryoone claimed that some of their colleagues had gone missing, only to be replaced by suspiciously robotic-looking doppelgangers. This sparked a wave of paranoia among the planet’s inhabitants, who began to see signs of droid infiltration everywhere.
“I’m positive that my neighbour is a droid,” said Sora Tann, a local belonging to the Lyunesi people. “I used to see him watering his plants every morning, but now he just stands there, motionless. And have you seen the way he talks? It’s like he’s reading from a script!”
Other citizens and inhabitants across both the Northern and Southern Territories of the CIS have reported similar suspicions, with varying levels of alarm and concern.
“I swear on my circuitry that my Mistress’ neighbour is a droid impostor! He used to be a grumpy old man who complained about everything, but now he’s always smiling and agreeing with everything the news says. It’s not natural!” claims DZ-14, a protocol droid from Junction who spoke to us on condition of anonymity. Unfortunately, Confederate privacy laws do not extend to droids and machines. In light of recent revelations, one should wonder why.
These claims may seem far-fetched, but they have been gaining traction among the citizens of the CIS. Some even believe that the government is using these droids to increase compliance and obedience among its citizens. After all, a pre-programmed machine would not question its orders, would it?
We reached out to several government officials for comment, and they vehemently denied these claims. According to them, the CIS government has no interest in turning its citizens into droids. “These rumours are baseless and absurd,” said a spokesperson for the Confederate Triumvirate, who quite unsurprisingly is yet another Nautolan representing Dex Sehrin and Siejo Kutol. “We would never engage in such heinous acts against our own citizens. It is simply preposterous.”
But can we really trust the word of the government officials? After all, they have a vested interest in maintaining their power and control over the citizens of the CIS. Who is to say that they would not go to extreme lengths to achieve their goals?
Fortunately, few who have been rightfully alarmed by recent revelations are convinced by these denials. “Of course they’re going to deny it,” said one Heep-Heep citizen from Zrak we spoke with, wishing to maintain his anonymity. “What do you expect them to say? ‘Oh yes, we’re definitely replacing our citizens with droids’? They’re trying to cover it up, I’m sure of it.”
Not everyone is convinced of the veracity of these rumours, however. Some citizens are starting to tire of the constant fear-mongering and are calling for a stop of what has been referred to as “fever induced delusions”.
“I’m so sick of hearing about this droid conspiracy,” said Aric Vos, a resident of the planet Binquaros. “It’s all anyone talks about these days. I mean, come on, do they really expect us to believe that our neighbours are being replaced by machines? It’s ridiculous.”
In the absence of hard evidence, some have taken matters into their own hands. One group of citizens has even started a grassroots movement to protect themselves from potential droid infiltration. They call themselves the Anti-Droid League, and they claim to have developed a fool-proof method to detect droids among them.
“It’s simple, really,” said one member of the Anti-Droid League. “We just ask everyone to recite the Confederacy anthem. Droids don’t know the words, so if someone messes it up, we know they’re a droid in disguise.”
While our reporters remain unsure as to how effective this method is, it is clear that the fear of droid infiltration is spreading throughout all layers of the Confederacy. Reportedly, some citizens are even refusing to leave their homes for fear of encountering a machine posing as someone they know, which leads to the disruption of the daily lives of many.
Despite the denials from government officials, it seems that this issue is not going away anytime soon. We will continue to monitor the situation and bring you updates as they become available. In the meantime, it is highly advisable to keep an eye out for any suspicious behavior from your friends, neighbors, and co-workers, and asking your loved ones and acquaintances to recite the Confederacy anthem from time to time, could not hurt.