The Porg-Shark Conflict Shakes the Asher System
Year 24 Day 162
In a shocking development, the moon of Asher II named Asher II Companion has revolted against the Confederacy of Independent Systems (CIS) and declared itself independent. The reason? The recent announcement by Cybot Galactica, the renowned droid manufacturer based in the Asher system, that they have chosen a shark as their new company mascot.
According to sources, the inhabitants of Asher II Companion were outraged by the decision, seeing it as a direct affront to their moon’s mascot, the Asherian porg, which was chosen in an unsanctioned referendum across the moon a mere year ago. “We’ve been faithful supporters of the Asherian porg for the whole year, whether the Confederacy recognised our choice or not,” said one irate resident. “It’s become an important, and adorable, symbol of our identity. And now, these droid makers come along and replace it with a shark? A toothy, bloodthirsty shark? Outrageous!”
The rebellion was led by a group of Asher II Companion’s most prominent citizens, including the planetary governor, the chief of police, and the head of the local Porg Preservation Society. They gathered in the main square of the moon’s capital, waving porg flags and chanting slogans such as “Down with the Shark!” and “Porgs forever!”, as related to us by bemused bystanders and impassioned participants.
The CIS, caught off guard by the sudden uprising, dispatched a delegation to negotiate with the rebels. However, the talks quickly broke down when the rebels demanded that the CIS issue a formal apology to the porgs and ban all sharks and anything shark-related from the Asher system.
“This is madness,” exclaimed a spokesperson for Siejo Kutol, the Magistrate of the South. “What do they want us to do, go around the Asher system and hunt all sharks into extinction? It’s plain lunacy! Not to mention the catastrophic impact it would have on the ecosystems of Asher’s worlds.”
But the rebels were not swayed by the potential environmental implications of their demands, or the Confederacy’s pleas for calm and reason. “We’ll fight for our porgs until the bitter end,” declared the governor. “We’ll even take up arms if we have to.”
As news of the rebellion spread across the Confederacy and the wider galaxy, the holonet erupted with memes and jokes about the Porg-Shark conflict. Some posted holo-images of porgs wearing shark costumes, while others speculated on what kind of droid Cybot Galactica would make if they ever combined a shark and a porg.
Meanwhile, Cybot Galactica issued a statement expressing their regret over the controversy. “We had hoped that our new mascot would be a unifying symbol for the inhabitants of the Asher system,” lamented Erik Haskell, the leader of the droid manufacturer. “It’s a shame that some have chosen to take offense at this innocent marketing decision.”
At the time of writing, the rebellion on Asher II Companion is still ongoing, with no end in sight. But one thing is clear: the Porg-Shark conflict has become the hottest topic in the Confederacy, and everyone is choosing sides in this unexpected battle of the ages.